Tag Archives: besties

Rules for Female Friendships

Brainpower, , , , , ,

Roxane Gay, writer and feminist hero, shared this great list on Women’s News a few years ago. Have you read it? It outlines the rules for female friendships and offers a healthy dose of reality for those folks who believe, for whatever reason, that lady-friends need to be competitive and catty. These rules, especially, are such important reminders…

2.
A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile relationships that are always intensely fraught. Stop reading writing that encourages this mythology.

5.
Want nothing but the best for your friends because when your friends are happy and successful, it’s probably going to be easier for you to be happy.
5A. If you’re having a rough go of it and a friend is having the best year ever and you need to think some dark thoughts about that, do it alone, with your therapist, or in your diary so that when you actually see your friend, you can avoid the myth discussed in Item 1.
5B. If you and your friend(s) are in the same field and you can collaborate or help each other, do this without shame. It’s not your fault your friends are awesome. Men invented nepotism and practically live by it. It’s okay for women to do it too.

12.
If a friend sends a crazy email needing reassurance about love, life, family, or work, respond accordingly and in a timely manner even if it is just to say, “GIRL, I hear you.” If a friend sends you like 30 crazy emails needing reassurance about the same damn shit, be patient because one day that’s going to be you tearing up Gmail with your drama.

Don’t you love that?  Rule 5B reminds me of Ann Friedman’s Shine Theory (“Surrounding yourself with the best people doesn’t make you look worse by comparison. It makes you better.“) With these rules and theory in mind —

What female friendship can you work on today? What powerful lady can you welcome to your circle? LET’S SHINE, Y’ALL! 

Check out these books by Roxane Gay: Bad Feminist, An Untamed State, and Difficult Women. Listen to Call Your Girlfriend – a podcast for long-distance besties – hosted by Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow.

P.S. Other fabulous ladies I’ve blogged about — Naomi Shihab Nye and Corita Kent.

Advertisement

Delightful New Orleans Wedding

Personal, Travel, , , , , , , , , , ,

My dear friends Carrie and Ganer got married in New Orleans on Saturday and had such a thoughtful, dynamic wedding. I was beyond grateful to be present for the magical few days they lovingly created for their friends and family. The entire trip was fantastic. I laughed until my belly ached until the wee hours each day. I cried fat, happy tears when the bride and groom exchanged vows. The whole experience, piling a bunch of lovely friends into a house for a few days and capping off the stay with a wedding ceremony out on the front lawn, reminded me of Ernest Hemingway’s words, “We ate well and cheaply and drank well and cheaply and slept well and warm together and loved each other.” It seemed so fitting that as they became husband and wife, the word HOME glowed brightly just behind them. Because that’s what Ganer and Carrie create wherever they go.

Here are a few highlights from the trip…

Roadtrippin.

sister and starbies part 2

Chet and I split up the drive from Miami to NOLA (and back again). We aren’t gluttons for punishment and…he did all the driving (#blessed, #copilot). We stopped in beautiful St. Pete both ways to enjoy some sister time at Starbucks. I LOVE that my lil sis is so much closer now. She agreed to take care of her nephew-kitty while we were away and it was so nice knowing he was in good hands. We also enjoyed our stopover in Gainesville, which supplied us with a delicious dinner of Japanese food and 4 hours of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Bless you hotel cable. In the car we listened to a ton of NPR, many episodes of the podcast Criminal (highly recommend), and Hotline Bling on repeat. On our journey home we stopped at one of those quintessential-Florida “Citrus Centers” to cash in on a free cup of fresh squeezed OJ and a tank full of baby gators on full view.

The Mansion. 

the mansion

fountain

We rolled up to this house and our jaws dropped. I can’t believe we got to stay in such a beautiful mansion. Massive Southern porch, grand dining room, landscaped grounds, billiards room, gorgeous kitchen, cozy basement den. It had everything and MORE. And it served as the perfect backdrop for Carrie and Ganer’s nuptials.

Louisiana touches. 

magazine street

More than just an amazing wedding, this trip felt like a real New Orleans vacation. I was scarfing down a catfish poboy pretty much as soon as I arrived! We enjoyed the night life on Frenchmen Street on Thursday. Friday, Chet and I explored the shops and sites on Magazine Street. Ganer’s mom made a massive pot of delicious gumbo for the rehearsal dinner and after the wedding I cut myself a big ol’ square of bread pudding. Suffice it to say my Cajun (and slightly home-sick) fiancee was in heaven…while I just enjoyed the awesome excuse for a vacation!

Sweet friends. 

babies being babies

I spent our time in NOLA relishing in the presence of so many sweet friends. I told Chet as we drove away from the city that I had felt so blissfully unplugged during our whole stay. I wasn’t on my laptop once, my phone remained tucked away in our bedroom for hours at a time, social media was an afterthought. This means my digital coverage of our adventures was pretty lacking but the sweet memories definitely outweigh. (Plus, there was a super talented photographer staying with us and I can’t wait to see everything she captured!) I loved having so many of my favorite people in one place! After moving all the way down to the tip of the U.S., I do not take this occurrence for granted. Our social interactions have been lacking this Fall but now my love tank feels so full.

Lovely love. 

carrie and ganer ceremony dusk

I’ve long admired and found inspiration from Carrie and Ganer’s relationship. Seeing them showcase their love for each other in such a meaningful and grand way was so special. Their vows, and the ceremony itself, embodied the passionate, warm, giving and creative human beings these two are. I also enjoyed listening to our friend Ben officiate, the readings fit for a truly forensics wedding (Black books! Spliced!), and all the lovely toasts spoken in the couple’s honor. All the little details of the day and all the thoughtful words shared amongst loved ones made me so excited for my own wedding!!! Eeps! Time to get plannin’!

A wild and wonderful party. 

shout put your hands up

Dancing and laughing with your friends never gets old. I remember dancing and laughing with friends when Ganer first showed up in Bowling Green. He ended up at a little house party in my very first apartment and immediately started making eyes at Carrie. I remember dancing and laughing with friends the night Ganer introduced me to Chet at a local dive bar. How thankful I am for those nights, and now this one too.

When you’ve got such a delightful crew by your side, so many wild nights lead to wonderful consequences.

Congratulations Carrie & Ganer!!! Thanks for letting me be a part of your magical wedding. I’ll never forget it. Chet and I love you to the moon and back! 

P.S. Want a behind the scenes look? Check out Chet’s vlogs. The Trip and Wedding Celebration Part 1 are up now…and more to come!

 

mid-week round-up

Wednesday Links, , , , , , , , , , , ,

fem photo

The Queen has arrived with this week’s Finding Delight mid-week links round-up! For those who don’t know, I’m Adam, and publishing this post in memoriam of Finding Delight’s editor-in-chief. (JK she’s still alive). Full disclosure — I’ve waited a year to guest post on Finding Delight, a feat that has been delayed solely by way of my own laziness and HGTV. But since this go-get-em blog is celebrating its 1 year anniversary(!), I’m taking the opportunity to give lazy Beth a posting break.

Below, please find links to a few of the things that have given me pause for thought over the past few days:

This Kylie Jenner birthday post definitely gave me pause for thought.

You just — you simply must go see this documentary: Ballet 422.

Speaking of movies, did you catch Cinderella at the theater this weekend? I bet you didn’t know the original Cinderella’s more complicated backstory, aside from her scrubby clothes.

This song rocks.

Did you know poop will be the ruin of Mt. Everest?

Please read this long read: “My Saga, Part 2: Karl Ove Knausgaard’s Passage through America.” And read the beautiful Part 1 via last week’s mid-week round-up. (Also note: Part 1 sharing credit should have been directed to this post’s author. Note to editors: I’ve note-ified my agent of the oversight. Final note: Noter and out.)

Are you in your PJs? Need a hard cry? Watch this less than 3 minute video produced by The Man.

Ashely Judd: This wildcat womyn is maybe my spirit animal.

KALE!

Check out this newsletter — I’m its managing editor.

Follow me on Twitter. And on Instagram if ya nasty.

< Note to editors: What else can I shamelessly self-promote here? Please insert something. >

And just because I can-can, here’s a Beyoncé music video you’re required to watch. Under Beyoncé law, of which we are all, you are indeed required to view/pray with this video before continuing your day.

…I’ll wait…

Bless you.

And that’s all you get this week! In all seriousness, congratulations on year 1 of new delights found, Beth. This blog rocks and has forever changed the way I think about soup broths and Gwyneth Paltrow—at the same time. To everyone else, please share this post at your heart’s delight.

(photo by Thibault Montamat)